my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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