Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
