About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize