Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
