I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
