i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
im on a boat
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