Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Randomize
