she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's paint friendship bongs
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize