Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
