what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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