walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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