It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
