Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
