I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
