Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
