Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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