who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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