Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
