i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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