please come you make the beer taste better
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
NoShamevember. You game?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
