6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
