sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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