New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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