i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
