bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
