Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize