Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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