dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Randomize
