There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
