My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
