textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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