"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize