Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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