it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
