Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
