On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
