u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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