The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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