She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
