My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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