dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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