Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
