if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
