ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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