I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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