Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
