I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
