I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
