I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
