she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
