and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
