My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize