the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she smelled like a LAN party
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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