So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's shark week go big or go home
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize