Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
