Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
