Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize