he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
not ubering you a puppy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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