New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
