i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
