I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
