How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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