Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
