She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
