New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
