1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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