Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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