3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
