Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
