Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize