I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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