They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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