yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
