omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize