I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
