How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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