you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
