So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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