So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
