haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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