just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
