Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
