when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His hands were made for my vagina.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
