my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
