I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
