Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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