Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
