Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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