he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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