I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
