why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
