Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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