Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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