mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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