i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
