Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
