You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
40s are totally the cure
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize